Me!Me!Me!

I was sent one of those quizzes today...you know the type where you're supposed to cut and paste the questions and then apply the answers to yourself. And I'm going to post mine here because my head space is all filled with politics and propositions. Space that is normally taken up by thoughts of butterflies and puppies and rainbows, so you might say I'm a little bit out of sorts and unable to come up with something more clever. My apologies for giving you more information about ME than you ever wanted to know.

Four Jobs I Was Really Bad At:
1) Personal Assistant: There was a lot of phone answering and calendering for someone who was a Very Important Person. I wore a suit and a grimace. After six weeks, when he realized that I couldn't answer the phones properly and would forget to put things on his calendar, he asked if I'd like to do research instead. I said yes only because it sounded like the polite thing to say.

2) Research Associate: Meant that I had to do research on companies and the people that worked in them. Which required an intimate understanding of software that would spool things out into spreadsheets that I did not understand. When asked if I could identify a proper candidate for whatever we were looking for, I would often say "I'm working on it!" not out of laziness, but out frightened ignorance as to what exactly I was showing up to work to do in the first place.

3) Art Restorer: That is covered here.

4) Group Exercise Instructor: Only because I felt like as ass putting on soft music and hollering out instructions to a room full of people. While I'm bossy, I also have staggering stage fright in groups over six.

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over:
1) Shadowlands
2) When Harry Met Sally
3) The Princess Bride
4) The Russians Are Coming

Four Childhood Memories
1) Making a fort between my bed and my sisters with a blanket and reading for hours on a summer afternoon. I would pretend to be asleep when my mom would come in to ask me to come and help with dinner. She would leave and I would go back to reading.

2) Being 4 years old and wandering into the wrong beach cottage while on vacation in search of my mother. Being afraid, but yelling "YOU ARE THE WRONG PEOPLE IN THE WRONG HOUSE" before slamming the door and running back to the beach, in tears, looking for my sister instead.

3) My brother yelling "Oh, excuse ME!", age 6, when he almost fell over a woman sunbathing in the nude while we were on vacation in Croatia. Me, going over to be sure he was okay and laughing when he said, "She had HUGE breastes-es!"

4) Waking up my sister in the middle of the night when the crop-dusters were flying over Los Altos, spraying for fruit flies. I was scared of the low, constant drone of the planes and would climb into bed next to her where she would rub my back until I fell asleep again and let me stay there, even though I probably kicked at her all night while slumbering.

Celebrities I Have Run Into
1) Matthew Perry - who I see EVERY TIME I'm in Los Angeles. If I didn't know better, I would think he was stalking me. And I wouldn't mind if that was the case.

2) Joe Montana - or rather, his son. I was in the grocery store a few years ago, in a rush to get my lunch and turned quickly to grab a drink. My HUGE purse made a sickening smack against something, and I looked to see a small child stumble back, from the force of my purse, into the freezer section and slither, movie style, onto the floor. I was, of course, concerned that I had hurt the child, but even more so when Joe Montana came running up and was all "OH MY GOD, ARE YOU OK?" to his son, whom he scooped up, while glaring at me. I was all "PLEASE DON'T SUE ME FOR NEGLIGENT HANDBAG WIELDING!" He didn't. I never wore that purse again.

3) Ian Ziering - STEVE SANDERS! Who is much cuter in person than one might think from his time on 90210. I was standing next to him at a bar, and he bent down to tie his shoe. He had a nice ass. He was going through a divorce with that stripper that he married and I had an impulse to ask if he needed comforting. I did not, as my boyfriend at the time would probably have objected.

4) Amy Winehouse - at the Planet Hollywood Spa in Las Vegas. She was washing her hands next to me in the bathroom. She didn't use soap and rubbed her wet hands dry on her jeans. She smelled like incense. She looked as bad as she does in the photos you see and it made me sad. She bumped into me on the way out and I thought I might be engulfed in her beehive.

Names I Wanted Other Than Jennifer When I Was Growing Up
1) Leslie (I got over this)
2) Olivia
3) ...
4) I'm ok with my name, actually.

Four Injuries I Have Sustained
1) Hairline fracture of a small bone in my right foot - I fell off of a curb. And it wasn't even a big curb. It was a tiny one. I was wearing a skirt which flew up over my head and exposed my underwear to two 12 year old boys who were skateboarding nearby. I made their night, but had to wear a soft cast for six weeks until it healed.

2) Bone bruising of my right knee - I fell while demonstrating a very difficult dance move with Angie. I was wearing heels. I had to be on crutches for six weeks. She was unscathed, which seems, somehow, unfair.

3) Torn deltoid, right shoulder - I was moving pieces of granite in my backyard while Marc supervised (I think he was drinking beer at the time). I felt something go weak in that arm but continued to move the rock because I was suffering from the delusion that I am stronger than reality would show to be the case. It did not end well, but I can stick my finger WAAAAY into that shoulder, which is a neat party trick.

4) Messed up right knee, track injury - Once, a long long time ago, I used to be a hurdler. I was showing off at practice LOOK AT ME!, like, and went over a hurdle that was too high. The gods decided it was time to put me into my place so they twisted my tibia around which ended my running career. Which is too bad, because I looked cute in tiny track shorts.