So, I saw something unusual the other day while out, walking Kylie. I don't often see odd things in Mountain View...it's the kind of city that is politically liberal but personally conservative, so while almost all windows hold some sort of Obama paraphernalia, the sidewalks most likely are filled with young mothers toting around children, wearing Crocs and minimal makeup. A boob job is as rare as a Sasquatch sighting in these parts. We're an earthy lot.
It was Sunday afternoon, and I was walking down a long, residential street. Ahead, there was a woman wielding a pickax that she was hammering into the earth with some conviction. I was impressed with her determination, but also somewhat perplexed as she looked to be wearing VERY short shorts...I mean, there was some fanny involved. Now, I don't have the best eyesight and was sure I was mistaken, so clearly, going in for a closer look was going to be the right thing to do. Research!
I was about a block away, when it became clear that they were not shorts, but a SKIRT. It looked like the bottom half of a Catholic girls school uniform, the kind you would buy in an adult shop, if you catch my drift. As she went on with her pickax'ing, each down-stroke would cause her skirt to flip up and reveal what appeared to be her very bare ass.
Surely, not. Because, who, in their right mind, pickaxes in a SKIRT with no UNDERPANTS?
But it's true, people. She chose that moment, as I was almost directly behind her, to bend over and pull at the roots she was trying to dis-lodge. Not only did I get a clear view of her rear, but I was also blessed with a eyeful of her uterus. Because how, tell me, HOW, can you not look?
Kylie picked that moment to pee on a nearby bush (no pun intended) so I was forced to stand within 10 feet of this woman for a bit longer. I looked across the street, trying to divert my gaze from what looked like a bad porn come to life, and saw two young men standing directly across from our dirty gardener, clearly transfixed by the view. It should be noted that she was not, in fact, hot. She was in her mid-40's and had lived what looked to be a rough life. But I understood their fascination, because a woman, wielding a pickax in a short skirt and no underwear is not something you encounter every day.
The best part came later, though...I was telling this story over dinner and Marc's mother, who is in her early 70's, piped in with "DID YOU SEE HER SNATCH?" Awesome.
And yes, MOST UNFORTUNATELY, I did.
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3 comments:
it is never someone who you actually would like to see naked doing such things, is it? i bet you carry your camera on future walks.
I think I'm in love with Marc's mom. She's AWESOME. I think that's my fav quote of the week! Question, how well do your mother's get along with each other? I don't know your mom, but I can't imagine her saying anything like that from your postings.
My mother would simply be horrified. Had she been with me she would have most likely gone up to the woman and said "DO YOU KNOW YOUR PRIVATE PARTS ARE SHOWING? Why don't you go inside and put some underwear on and then come back out and I'll talk you through the steps of having Jesus save your soul. Be quick now...I'll pray for you while you're changing."
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