Mom: So Kylie has a bed in almost every room in this house, doesn't she?
Me: Yes. And she views anything that has a horizontal surface as a potential bed. I'm surprised we haven't found her napping on the coffee table yet.
Mom: She sleeps in your bedroom with you, right?
Me: Yeeeeees? (curious as to where this was going)
Mom: Well, what does she do when you and Marc are...well, YOU know...
Me: No mom, I don't. (because I'm evil and wanted to see if she would say HAVING HOT SEX)
Mom: Well (struggling), what does she do when you're having...a TENDER moment?
Me: OH! You mean like HAVING SEX? Well, when we're HAVING SEX, she usually watches and then rates us based on our endurance and creativity during SEX. It's her version of Mutual of Omaha*.
Mom: That was NOT necessary OR lovely. (hitting me on the arm)
Me: Hey, you asked.
*How RAD was Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom? Do you remember Marlin Perkins? And how he always introduced the show in that room with the really awful wood siding? My childhood living room had such siding. Also, whenever we would watch that show, my mom would turn it off when the animals would have sex. It wasn't lovely. Neither is the fact that I would dare do so the same room as my dog. Take note.
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3 comments:
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HAHAHAH! You are evil, little lady. Your poor Mommy!! hee hee
OMG, you probably sent your mom straight to the edge of fiber overdosing! And, I'm with you, if she is old enough to ask the question, she's old enough to get the detailed answer. Maybe next time you could REALLY do her in by showing her your online videos posted to www.xtube.com? ;-)
Marlin Perkins was 100 years old in the 60's when that show began. Good Lord, he must've been over 200when he eventually went to that big wood panelled room in the sky. FWIW, I had the *exact* same family room (complete with groovy bar) in my childhood home. You know what I loved best about MOWK? Was that Marlin simply narrated the dangerous encounters, but made his assistant (was it Jim?) do all of the crappy jobs: swim with the sharks, hold the poisonous snake, wrestle the alligator, etc., etc., Poor Jim had to risk his life and limbs on every segment, while Marlin wore his polyester suit and wide ties and watched from the sidelines. Marlin was really a big prick, wasn't he?
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