Now I know how Hester Prynne felt

I have always thought of myself as a Dog Person. It’s not that I have anything against cats, per se. In fact, I’ve known a few that I’ve loved. Well, let’s make that two. Two cats that I’ve found acceptable. It’s not that I actively hate cats, or throw rocks at them, or veer my car ever so slightly at them when they run out into the street…WHAT? I just said I DON’T do that…quit giving me those disparaging looks.

I spent the weekend up in San Francisco at Angie and Mike’s house. Angie is also a Dog Person, which is one of the reason she is my friend. That, and she has pretty hair and shares my shoe size - IMPORTANT THINGS. The strange thing is that, Angie has no dogs, but DOES have three cats. It’s one of the mysteries of the universe, how this happened, but we won’t go into that, because it’s Monday and would require a lot of alcohol coffee.

Angie and Mike most recently acquired Smokey, who was wandering outside of Mike’s office building and decided that Mike looked like the kind of person who would take a wandering cat home. Smart cat, that one, as that is exactly what happened. (Hi Mike! Remember this weekend? When I beat you at Scrabble?)

And so, at 2am, I was woken up by Smokey who decided “Hey! You are a NEW PERSON and might not follow the same rules as those two other people and cats who SLEEP all night when it’s time to PLAY! But first, let me brush your hair for you!” He had taken my hair and spread it across the pillow and was raking through it with his claws. I wasn’t sure what to think about this, as his claws were a wee bit close to my carotid…so I rolled over, pulling my hair with me and Smokey saw this as an invitation to POUNCE! LAY ACROSS MY FACE! KNEAD MY CHIN! Seriously. There was a lot of kneading. But GOD, he was so cute! And so I totally made out with him all night and decided that if I could have fit him into my purse, I would have taken him back down to suburbia with me.

Later, after I had returned home, Kylie attached her nose to my jeans and figured out that I had been unfaithful. I tried to explain that it was a cat and not another dog, thinking that would make everything okay, but seeing as cats are her nemesis, I don’t think she’ll ever look at me the same way again. I'd tell you all about visiting the gay porn shop, but that will have to wait until later this week. (Bet you all just sat up in your chairs a little straighter! Am I right? WOO!) Right now, I have to go buy gifts for and pay attention to my dog...otherwise she's going to burn a scarlet A onto my forehead while I'm sleeping and that will totally clash with the outfit I have planned for tomorrow.