Me, to a client: Dude. Your thong is totally showing. Adjust.
Client: Did you just "dude" me?
Me: I did, in fact. Don't judge. I grew up in California. It was my first word after "obnoxious tax rates."
Client: That's three words. And GOD, this thing is, like, TOTALLY up my ass. (As she went elbow deep into her pants).
Me: Nice. Classy. Let's move on.
Client: What do you think the male equivalent of an irritating thong is?
Me: I KNOW! I KNOW! An itchy sack!
Client: Oh, my god. You're totally right. Have you ever had a guy reach in to take care of that while you're teaching?
Me: SWEET MOSES, no. I don't get paid enough for that kind of nonsense.
Client: Would you fire someone for doing that?
Me: Hm, no. But I would demand that they bring in tequila for me to make up for the horror.
Client: You should totally find ways to make that happen, then. Think of what it would do for your liquor cabinet.
Me: I like the way you think. Though I don't want to be involved in making anyone itch. I think that might be grounds for a restraining order.
Why I'm self-employed. I don't think meetings in corporate land are nearly as interesting. Or productive.
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3 comments:
I totally dropped a "Dude" in class yesterday--Student: My paper is late. Can I turn it in tomorrow?" Me: "Dude, that's twice now. I can't just change the rules like that." Student: "Did you just say Dude?" Yep. It is the end of the semester. And I am not even from California--what's my excuse? And, I startled him so much with the "Dude" he forgot to be mad about his paper. Sweet.
T, I love that. I think, though, that you living here for a number of years allows you to drop a well-timed 'dude' here and there. Bonus if it gets you out of uncomfortable situations...
I can honestly say that conversations in our corporate land are just as (if not more so) entertaining. But then again, we drink heavily on a daily basis so I'm going to chalk that up to being drunk at the time or too hungover to edit before speaking.
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