Me: Whew! I'm just back from a run...I cut it short because of this insane heat.
Mom: Child! What would possess you to run in such beastly weather? (I assume this was said as she adjusted her pince-nez and took a sip of Earl Grey)
Me: Well, I can't afford liposuction, and I'd like for my butt not to start heading south towards my knees.
Mom: Don't say "butt". Say "bottom". It's more civilized. Couldn't you just wear a girdle and forgo the running?
Me: I think the girdle would be more uncomfortable than the run.
Mom: Depends on the girdle. Why are we talking about this? Let's change the subject.
Me: Want to hear a conversation that I overhead about transvestites the other day?
Mom: No, that's uncouth. Let's talk about how much fun it was to irritate your father by wearing my new flip flops the other day. I do so love doing that!
Me: Irritating Dad or wearing flip flops?
Mom: Both! It's wonderful, being able to do two things at once!
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Now Jen....."you must remember to speak in lovely sentences and please do not be Eskimo!" Oh how I hear her voice in my head daily. She is always good for a laugh.
Sister #2
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