Hours of Colin Firth for only $9!!

Has anyone mastered the art of getting out of Target for under $100? I went there the other day with a strict list. I even STUCK to the strict list, despite there being cute purses for sale and a pair of sunglasses that didn’t make my face look as wee as a munchkin. Because, while I have an enormous noggin, my face is quite narrow, and the DIFFICULTY I HAVE in finding sunglasses is enormous. And, also boring. So! Onward!

Regardless, I stocked up on small things, like candles, and magazine holders (for those of us who hoard keep magazines for later reference) and a DVD that was on sale – Pride & Prejudice! With Colin Firth! As Liz Lemon noted in 30 Rock, that man can wear a sweater! – and some other household sundries that were needed. BASICS. Not even anything fun – though one might argue that staring at Colin Firth will provide hours of quality personal time entertainment. And INDEED IT WILL.

My point is, I endured a small heart attack when she handed me my bill and thought, “Sweet tap-dancing Moses! There’s not even anything frivolous in these two bags!” Yet there I was, having spent more than I had planned on. How does this happen? Because while Target is one of the most awesome and magical places on this Earth, it also has your 401k by the balls. Yet, back in I go! In fact, whenever I go to visit my girls in Santa Barbara, I undergo a bit of discomfort knowing that there isn’t one nearby. That should I need to buy some lip gloss, I would have to go into a REGULAR DRUG STORE to do so. Not the shiny happy aisles of Target where the lip gloss will sing you a lullaby while giving you a hand job. Seriously. It’s true. Why do you think it’s always so crowded?

Regardless, I have to find a new plan of attack, which might just be NOT GOING IN. Or modifying my list, somewhat. Or staying out of the make-up section. I’m not sure. Because I don’t want to end up out on the street with a sign that says, “Spent last penny at Target.” Although, I’m sure I’d have company. They’d have succumbed to the hand jobs as well.