On being a girl and my inability to do so.

I finally went in for a hair cut today. I was several months overdue and my poor stylist nearly had a heart attack as she surveyed the split ends and tangles of blond. Anna should be given some sort of award - she labors over my head only to have me wrestle it continuously into a pony tail or something that gets it the hell OFF OF MY NECK. I'm terrible at the grooming part of being a girl. I feel as though much of my life is a battle between me and my eyebrows, my hair, my ragged cuticles. The clothing thing I have under control. I can rock the shit out of my closet, but the upkeep it takes to look as though I didn't just fall out of bed...sheesh. My beauty barometer is really based on whether or not I look homeless and/or washed. Today, all signs pointed towards my having spent a rough night at the shelter wherein I got thrown out of the line for the shower and had to use my ninja like knife skills.

I didn't sleep well and when my alarm went off this morning a parade of expletives fell out of my mouth as I batted around the nightstand in search of the snooze button. When I finally had gathered up enough resolve to get out of bed (that, and my bladder was screaming ATTEND! ATTEND! that bitch) I realized that I had 15 minutes to get ready and to work which meant a baseball cap and very little makeup. It wasn't until three hours into my work day that I realized I was wearing the same pants I had slept in. I was bossing my clients through some ab work and looked down only to realize, "Fuck, I totally wore these to bed last night." Being me, I also felt like this would be an amusing diversion for my clients who were writhing around in pain on the floor, "Hey guys! I'm still in my PJ's!" This startled them out of said writhing and one of them screeched, "Dear GOD, please tell me you at least brushed your teeth!" I did a quick tongue check and things seemed to be smooth, so I said, "Yup! 20 more, please!"

I relayed this to Anna as she was dancing around the back of my head, swearing at one of my many cowlicks. She raised her eyebrows in concern and said, "Don't you have two sisters? How did no one ever teach you to be a girl?" Clearly, I wasn't paying attention when classes were being held re: playing with dolls and eyebrow maintenance and how to apply eyeshadow so as not to look like a two bit whore. (Note: dolls don't do much, but they make great targets when you need something to shoot out of a tree. That's really as far as I got.)

So despite it's rough beginnings, today ended well. My hair is bouncing around and Anna insisted that I not leave until I apply some lip gloss...which I have an astounding number of despite my inability to keep anything on my mouth for more than five minutes. (Is there some secret to that? I'd love to know it.) I was thinking that it would be a great night to go out since I actually am wearing something other than workout clothing and my hair has been washed. But then again, there is an open bottle of wine downstairs that needs company and the rest of me needs showering. Plus my neck is itching and I need to find my hair elastic which is probably in the pocket the pants I slept in last night which look awfully comfortable...

As you can see, I'm not making a hell of a lot of headway here.