What did you do this weekend?

Was this weekend not glorious, people? I spent most of it out in my backyard on the new patio trying out different positions...nothing dirty, so get your head out of the gutter. But I tried sitting at the large table with a beer, at the small table with some tequila, lying down on the lounger with a book, listening to music on the outside speaker while watering some plants. Each activity was successful, though I think those that were accompanied by a beverage really were glowing experiences - to be oft repeated as summer marches on. I had a few invites to trot on up to the city, but the patio would have missed me, and we're just getting to know one another. I don't want to come home and find it in a sulk, feeling all neglected.

I waited all week for Saturday morning. I had been sleeping wretchedly, for no other reason than my body hates me, so you can imagine my frustration when I woke up on Saturday - a morning I had planned to sleep through - and saw that the clock said 6:15am. I closed my eyes in the hope that if I pretended to be asleep that my brain would follow suit and wake up somewhere around lunch. About 45 minutes later, I fell into a sleep so coma like that it took the blaring sound of my phone to push my shallow-breathing husk out of bed.

Sidebar: the phone rings like this: "BLAAAAAAARGH I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU BLAAAAAARGH!!!" It's essentially a migraine sitting on the bedside table. Whomever called, waking me out of my slumber, didn't really get to have a conversation as I, in my haste to stop the ringing, knocked off the entire contents of the bedside table. The first thing they would have heard was a loud crash followed by, "FUCK! Hello?" They hung up.

So! Not the most magical way to start a weekend. But! It did improve. It was so HOT, that things like bikinis and sunglasses were definitely necessary. Shoes and pants were not. I spent all of Saturday out in the sun and on one sojourn into the house to use the restroom misplaced my sunglasses. This is somewhat noteworthy if only because that entire trip is roughly 20 feet and the glasses were completely lost somewhere along the way. It made the rest of the day rather annoying, since I couldn't see anything, what with the glare and all. And going inside was out of the question given the weather. So I made do. It was hard. I attempted to check the mail without my sunglasses and I ended up crouched in the front yard with my fists balled into my eye sockets until dusk when I could actually see again. It was a really unproductive way to spend ten hours. Not to mention probably in violation of our HOA.

I still haven't located them, but am wearing an older pair which are infinitely less stylish and have a few cracks in the lenses which give the impression of looking through a kaleidoscope. So when I take them off and everything resumes its normal shape and outline, I get the distinct impression that I'm about to throw up. Or perhaps it's the tequila. Either way, it made for an exciting two days.

And now, back to work! Blargh.