Keeping your ass up by your ears. My new tagline.

So, I've made a few of my clients cry. And not because of something I said, but rather because I've pushed them past their happy place and have ushered them into the zone of punishing pain. Is it terrible that my reaction to their tears is "GOOD! NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE!"? And, when I hear their cries of, "You are SUCH a sadist!" my reply is, "You've just earned yourself 10 more reps!"

Clearly, I have issues. It fills me with unparalleled glee that I get to boss people around for a living - that they pay me to tell me what to do for an hour of their day. The pathology of this type of behavior would give some psychologist years of material, I'm sure. My own therapist hasn't even delved into how my day job fulfills my Type A personality. I'm sure she's worried that if she went too deep I would command that she drop and give me 20. She'd probably listen, too. I could totally take her.

Regardless of my deranged delight, I'm really not a heartless shrew and would rather that you didn't leave a session with a puffy and reddened face. That's hardly the point. So the other day, when a client started blubbering on the reformer due to the intensity of some leg work, I DID stop and ask her if she was alright. As the tears poured down her face, she wailed, "THIS IS JUST SO HARD!" "Well, yes," I replied. "If it was easy, everyone would do it and I would be out of a job. Your ass, also, would not be up by your ears but making its way slowly down towards your ankles." She laughed and blew her nose and then continued with the offending presses until the set was finished. She got up, a wee bit wobbly and said, "You know, you should really offer tranquilizers with your sessions." I've known her for a while - meaning I can be rather irreverent without the worry of offending her. "Well, I WAS thinking of offering a line of cocaine during warmup, but that would just bump my hourly rate up too much, and we're in a recession."

"I don't know," she replied. "I think you might find a niche market there...plus, think of the weight loss benefits!"
"Think of the insurance difficulties!" I exclaimed.
"Everyone would be high...who would care?" she said.
"True. My mother would totally not approve of this conversation."
"She also wouldn't approve of your top. Too much of your bosom is showing. But! If you offered people the option of doing a line of coke off of your chest before their session...wow...you'd never have to advertise for clients, like, EVER."
"Sweet Mary. What would that business card look like?"
"A hundred dollar bill...you know...to snort the coke with."

So you see, what I cause in pain I make up for in interesting conversation. It's called balance.