Are you still there?

HELLO! Here I am! My name is Jen! tap tap tap IS THIS THING ON?

Hm. Let's try this again.

Greetings! Anyone there? Do you remember me? I'm that person who used to post regularly with witty and hilarious stories about my daily mishaps (adjectives mine). That seems to have gone by the wayside a bit. Sorry about that. From the amount of hate mail (both real and imagined) in my box that say things like, "YOU REPUGNANT SHREW. UPDATE." you would think that my lack of blogging was contributing to both Global Warming and the leggings trend that seems to persist despite my hatred. My apologies. I didn't know my own powers.

I sat down today to write and realized that I hadn't flexed that muscle for a while. It cramped in a way I can only describe as tragic, so I backed away from my computer and went to make some tea and stretch in the hopes that something intelligent and sparkling would come out. You'll have to let me know how I do.

So Angie's wedding happened on Friday and it's taken me almost this long to recover. AND NOT EVEN FROM THE OPEN BAR I'll have you know. I was remarkably well behaved which is worth noting because, well, OPEN BAR. Everything went off without a noticeable hitch and Angie is now wed to Mike and they are off to live a long and happy life together with their two cats and collection of Transformers. Seriously. But apparently I'm an aged and easily fatigued woman since I spent most of the weekend working on making a believable ass imprint on my couch. And I succeeded! HURRAH! Also, I made a considerable dent in my Tivo cache. See? I can be productive and lazy all at the same time. Ingenious, I know. Regardless, their wedding was an incredible way to spend a Friday. And I'll have you know that I wore nearly five inch heels and didn't fall down once. The bride didn't fare as well - she brought comfortable shoes to wear to the reception and still ended up on her ass. So I felt particularly smug when I honestly answered "NO!" to all of my clients who asked, "BUT DID YOU FALL?" They seemed so disappointed. Jerks.

So now I'm gearing up for wedding #2, that of my niece Heidi to her fiancee Scott. This takes place in a few weeks in San Diego which means travel! Yay! I was driving by the airport Monday night and my car inadvertently veered towards its exit. I screamed "GAH!" and pulled the steering wheel to the left so as to continue on. Once my passengers settled down from their coronaries, I explained that it seems odd not to be heading TO the airport when in such close proximity. I've always loved to GO places, but this wanderlust has reached a higher than normal peak in the past two years. I crave stamps on my passport.

And it would seem that fall decided to appear out of no where. I'm sitting in my office in a parka wondering how long I'll be able to hold out until putting on the heater. I might just go ghetto and light up my discarded stories in a trash bin by my feet. I live right by a fire station, so they could just aim the hose over the fence should things go awry. But Sweet Moses, I was just wearing shorts last week and suddenly the leaves have changed and the days are dishonest. They are full of skidding clouds and ethereal breezes that coax you outside only to get dumped on an hour later, too far from home to grab the coat you left hanging by the front door - we've officially slid into autumn.

So more later. I'll be better about updating. If only for the environment. In the meantime, stay warm.