I love how real estate terms can be applied to hideous couture

A client came in today carrying a package. It didn’t yield a present for me, so I quickly lost interest. After her session she opened the bag and pulled out a purse that I can only describe as a Muppet that had gone up against a Viking and lost. There was a lot of fur and hardware…so perhaps the Viking didn’t fare so well, what with all of the leather and studs. I don’t know. Regardless, my client held up this pink, THING, and said to me, “This cost over $2k. Do you think I’ll wear it for more than one season?” Well…does that season exist, in, like, Xanadu? Because the only way that shit was going to work was with roller skates, ill-advised eye makeup and a lot of LSD. I didn’t tell her that, though. I wasn’t packing a shiv, and she might have had exceptional knife skills.

What I did say was, “The pink might be somewhat limiting,” and then I turned around to start chewing on my lip furiously so that DO YOU LIVE IN A BORDELLO??? wouldn’t fall out of my mouth and forever hang between us. Instead, I thought Baby Jesus and butterflies. Baby Jesus and butterflies. It's soothing. Try it.

She just twirled the bag in question around for a while and said, “Well, I’ll wear it for a while and see if it goes with enough of my outfits.” At this point, my next client had come in and was sitting on the floor next to me. The Pink Bag & Owner left and my client looked after her for some time. “You know,” she said thoughtfully, “I’d love to see the inside of her closet if she thinks that she has ANYTHING that would go with that bag. Because unless it’s Transvestite Adjacent, I think she’s shit out of luck.”