Old cheese

So a new week! Yay! And I'm still in Southern California with some of my favorite people, which is delicious. Last week, I felt like I was in some sort of hellish holding pattern...some purgatory...you know, where you have to do your taxes all day, the cork always breaks off in the wine bottle and your pants are just a little too short and you have on lame socks. That was Last Week in a nutshell.

But the week took a remarkable turn for the better on Thursday. Amazing what a short plane ride south can do for one's spirits. I had boarded in San Jose and was settling into my aisle seat (preferred since it has such easy access to the often needed potty) when an older woman came up and asked to sit in the window seat. I happily gave it to her and hoped that no one would require the middle seat since I like my space...you never know when might want to break out into jazz hands during a flight. That extra seat gives you ample space to really flail.

The older woman was kind and chatty. We exchanged some pleasantries and about five minutes in she said, "Well, dearie, I'm afraid it's just one of those busy bladder days. I'm going to have to head up to the toilet, and from the looks of it (people were still boarding) I'm going to be swimming upstream and causing quite a ruckus." I let her out and she made her way back up to the front. Her comments of, "I'm so sorry, but my bladder just won't WAIT," faded as she was swallowed up by the passengers. I went back to reading my book (which is excellent!) and was surprised a few moments later to have someone smack my shoulder with considerable force. I looked up to see what I thought at first was a LARGE man, but ended up being a homely woman of impressive girth hovering over me. "I want to sit in the window seat. Get up," she said.

I don't like being bossed.

"The seat is taken," I replied, looking back into my book in the hopes that she wouldn't consider the middle seat since there was so much hate spilling off of her, I didn't think there was enough room for both her and her bad attitude in our row.

"Is your friend IMAGINARY? Because I don't see anyone there," she spat, apparently under the impression that I was put on this earth solely to make her life miserable.
Now, I really wanted to run with that because how can you not when given such a golden opportunity? I wanted to say, "No, idiot, he's right here next to me. Don't disparage my boyfriend Chris Pine like that." But with FAA regulations being so tight these days and not wanting to get kicked off of the plane for being a kook, I said, "No, she is in the bathroom."
"If you're trying to save a seat for a friend, I'm going to get a steward up here to make you give me the seat. You're not allowed to save seats. I want the window. Move."
I couldn't believe this woman was arguing with me when the back half of the plane wasn't even full. I stood up, partly to give her what for, and also because I saw the cute little woman from before come out of the restroom and knew she would want her seat back. (There are certain moments when I'm especially thankful to be tall - for instance when someone is irritating me and thinks that I'm just this little blond thing that can be pushed over. I was over 6 feet that day, being in high heels. It was glorious watching her lean back and blink as I rose over her). "I'm not saving the seat, the woman who is ALREADY sitting in it is on her way back and if you would kindly move, she'll be able to take her seat again. So if you'd still like to get a steward up here, that is fine with me as I'd dearly love to explain how rude you've been. I'm sure the passengers that you're holding up behind you would agree. So please, just find somewhere else to sit." See? I can be polite even when I'm basically telling someone to shove it.

The older woman slid back in and I sat back down after the angry woman moved on muttering something about how she couldn't believe she was being forced to travel with a bitch such as me. I got comfortable again, and the little old woman turned to me and said, "I'm SO GLAD you got rid of her. She was being just hateful to the people who were working the counter. HATEFUL. And then she came and sat next to me while we waited to board and she smelled of old cheese. It was quite awful, as old cheese tends to be. It would have made the flight very long, don't you think? Would you like a Wethers?"

And I DID want a Werthers. It was if Last Week went to the back of the plane with the Cranky Woman and the Lovely Older Lady ushered in the New Week with her cheery disposition and candies. I settled into my seat with my book and smiled the whole way to SoCal. And I've been smiling since.